A few weeks ago I went to a happy hour with friends after the Snowflake Conference in San Francisco. There were 8 people in our group which consisted of leaders in engineering, data science, AI/ML and sales at various leading tech, pharma, and health companies.
During one conversation with a subset of the group I brought up some research Gallup presented in its book Blind Spot about the global rise of unhappiness. I call the malady “the loneliness epidemic” and it seems to be a relatively unknown health problem amongst social circles in Silicon Valley and the tech community at large.
Here are a few sobering statistics on the issue:
Loneliness has grown 5x between 1990 and 2021 growing from 3% to 15% of the population for men, and 2% to 10% for women. This number is equal to 31.25 million people in the U.S.
In San Mateo County, in the heart of Silicon Valley, the statistics are even more troubling: 45% of residents are struggling with loneliness and isolation based on a county-led survey in 2022.
It’s so bad that David Canepa, the Board of Supervisors’ Vice President in San Mateo, introduced legislation and declared a public health crisis and pledged to explore measures to promote social connection in the community.
I've mentioned these statistics before in group settings, but it’s often met with indifference or laughter, as people didn't think it applied to them. But, during my recent conversation, something surprising happened. Someone in the group spoke up, saying, "This sounds like something that's affecting me."
This individual works for a biopharma company in Southern California and shared that his commute is 45 minutes without traffic and up to 1.5 hours with it. In combination with the commute, the in-office culture leaves a lot to be desired so he rarely goes into the office. He went on to explain the challenges of not having close friends nearby and how building a community has become much harder compared to his 20s.
He expressed how the long commute and lack of a support network were impacting his well-being, making him feel isolated and exhausted. It was a stark example supporting that the statistics aren't just numbers; they represent real struggles people face daily. Hearing this personal story reinforced the importance of having friends and the need for a supportive community, no matter the stage of life.
What does it mean to be lonely, and why should this be a concern for you?
Gallup defines loneliness as "having no close friends."
If you live in the Bay Area like me, you rarely see people smoking cigarettes due to their known health impacts. But what if I told you that the impact of not having friends is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day? Would this change your perspective and make you invest more time in developing strong friendships?
Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychology professor at Brigham Young University, was the first to publish a large-scale analysis establishing poor social support as a significant contributor to morbidity. In her study, "Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-Analytic Review," she found that people with strong social bonds are 50% less likely to die over a given period than those with fewer social connections.
The Department of Health and Human Services highlights further physical health consequences of poor social connections. These include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia in older adults. Additionally, lacking social connections can increase the risk of premature death by more than 60%.
Take some time to reflect
Here are a few more stats from the BYU study:
5% of your health is related to our genes & biology
20% is based on health behaviors
20% on medical care
And a whopping 55% is based on social / societal characteristics.
Considering this information, take some time to reflect on these questions:
How many good friends do you have?
How frequently do I have meaningful interactions with them?
Do you feel that family/friends care about you? Do they understand the way that you feel?
Can you rely on them? Can you open up to them?
Do family/friends make too many demands? Do they criticize you?
Do they let you down? Do they get on your nerves?
According to Gallup, being more socially connected has been associated with lowering depression, slower age-related cognitive decline, greater happiness, and greater satisfaction with life.
So what does this all mean for Silicon Valley and the world of business, and what can we do about the loneliness epidemic?
If you’re a leader at a tech company, it’s important to consider: How are you developing community and identity for people in a highly remote world? How are you creating opportunities for your employees to connect and build relationships with one another?
If you’re not a leader, have you thought about the health impact of not having friends and how it can affect your work performance, health, and overall life satisfaction? Have you considered the impact not feeling like your opinion counts at work can have on your self-esteem?
If you’re feeling disconnected, take some time to think about how you can get in that social connection.
Outside of work:
Enjoy Nature: Nature is known to have healing impacts on the soul. Schedule out a few dates on the calendar to get together with a friend out in nature. Hiking, biking, or watching the sunset on the beach are all free game. Even if everyone is busy and it’s months away, getting it down on the calendar makes it a much higher likelihood that it will happen.
Volunteer: Is there an organization that’s working on a cause that you’re aligned with? Seek out ways to get involved in your community. Volunteer opportunities, local events, meetup groups, etc.
Partake in Hobbies or Exercise: Do you have friends who you share hobbies with? Or maybe you have a friend that also enjoys tennis? Look up happy hour or networking events in your area on Eventbrite or Luma. Even if it’s out of your comfort zone, going to an event whose specific purpose is to enable you to have conversations with new people can take the pressure off a bit.
At work:
Seek out volunteer opportunities within your company. Many companies have partnerships with nonprofits and offer opportunities to get involved
Join an employee resource group to connect with folks from similar backgrounds or experiences
Join a social/interest group, or create your own!
As a leader, consider how you can foster socializing and community within your team. Could you create or sponsor a social committee? Organize monthly or quarterly meetups, game days, or lunch-and-learn sessions? Perhaps establish a buddy or mentorship program? These initiatives can significantly enhance team cohesion and morale.
A question for Silicon Valley at large is: What types of products will depressed, lonely, or isolated people make? And the inverse of that question: What types of products will happy, connected people make?
Products like the Metaverse and the Apple Vision Pro were envisioned for a world where everyone would stay at home in their own bubble. What products are we making that actually bring people together in the real world to solve for loneliness?
Does an office full of leaders and colleagues that are healthy – both physically and mentally – make for a happier and more productive workplace? Is this a goal a company should strive for?
By investing in community and tending to our human, innate need to connect with each other, companies can reap numerous benefits like increased employee engagement, retention, productivity, and satisfaction while improving everyone’s health and quality of life – they can be part of the solution instead of contributing to the problem.
Stay connected
I work with clients to evaluate their work environment in a number of areas. We then create proactive solutions based on their self-reflections, survey responses, and personality assessments to help them improve their daily experience at work and in life.
For some leaders, this means re-engaging with their teams, understanding what is important to their people in their careers, and showing that they care about their development. For others, it might involve starting the journey to find a new job that brings them out of the remote environment and back into the office.
Need help evaluating your happiness at work and what your next plan of action is?
Feel free to book a free consultation with me today.
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